not so amazing week
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Prov 17:22
Been having a not so amazing week so far. The weather is fantastic for sleep! A lil perk for the not-so-amazing-ness.
Sitting in library now, hungry and tired. Just want a little space away from home. My desktop at home is malfunctioning and there's no way i can fix it. Since mum is the only user of that com, she start throwing temper yesterday. I can understand her fraustration so i did not speak a word when she start to vent it on me.
Not so fantastic this morning too when I just woke up. I admit I am not in a fabulous cherry mood this morning so probably I irritate her a lil. Things snowballed and I really cannot take it just sitting there silently and listen to her reprimanding me.
Its always a sore when it comes to my relationship with mum. Tears will just flow out uncontrollably when I think about it even now, I must have look dumb keep wiping my face in the library.
To me, mum is more of a figure of fear than a figure of love to me. When i read past jornals dated back in primary sch, everything I do I thought of my mum. Getting back results, loosing stuff and even when I fall down my tears is more of being afraid to tell her. God created and love mum, and I have to respect her.
I love mum not only because God love her but also I know she loved me. But there's this prick inside me that perhaps I am not so willing to remove yet. When facing mum, there is like this "natural reflex" in me that I will feel irritated, which makes me feel v guilty. Its kind of weird that when I am nice to her and she gets v touchy, I will get irritated by her touchy-ness and went back toignoring her.
This is perhaps a lesson of love I have to learn throughout my life and I really felt better when typing this paragraph. For the verse at the start of this entry, is what i saw on facebook this morning which really encouraged me. A cheerful heart vs a crushed spirit. I have decided to let the past keave me, no old scores or self pitiness for all these are pointless. Forgive and move on, knowing that there are many beautiful promises ahead (:
